if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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