Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
