Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
