I hate all girls vehemently.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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