Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
