Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
