i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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