It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
