sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
