sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my shit smells like andre
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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