If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
