pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
