I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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