i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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