i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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