Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
