i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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