it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
