yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
