just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is it fun? or sober?
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