Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
