I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
