But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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