It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
