My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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