he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
