Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
