ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
