12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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