dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
