im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
