Having a random hookup so left but love u
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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