38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
