Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
