i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
