Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
