Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
