So gin and wine won't be happening again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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