Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
