he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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