get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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