Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Shame - the story of my life.
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