yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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