And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
