Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
