awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
