I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
