Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
