I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
