Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
