omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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