The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
