Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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