Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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