if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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