Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This is not my ceiling
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
