he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
